Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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