I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
