I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
