I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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