my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
