i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
