Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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