i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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