4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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