he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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