let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
