Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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