I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
