I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
