Im at strip club and am horny
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
