Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
