I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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