how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Less talking, more tequila
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
