meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
