physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
