im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
