im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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