I don't think brook has ever known best
this beer tastes like vomit already
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
