I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize