I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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