You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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