He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
