After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
