why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
