honey bunches of taint.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just gargled with NyQuil
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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