Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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