So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
