I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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