OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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