I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
