So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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