i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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