i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
