I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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