You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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