We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
