Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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