do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
