how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
