Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
