Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
