while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
