Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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