i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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