I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
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Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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