I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
