he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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