you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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