Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
