hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
