I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
