Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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