I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
