Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
