An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
do nipples grow back?
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