Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
