I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
