she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
