Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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