You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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