I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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