I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
How's work?
Spinning.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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