My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
