Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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