the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
A+ Viking dick
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
