Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
