I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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