He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
There's even glitter on my cock...
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