it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's shark week go big or go home
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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