Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
