Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
