If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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