i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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