So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
