I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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